Blips
The "S" in Sex Doesn't Stand for Struggle
let's learn from Unexpected Experts
Why is it that, when sex should feel like easy pleasure, it can feel like angst and struggle? Because we believe that sex should be a certain way.
I have learned from REAL EXPERTS with disabilities, surgeries, operations, etc. that PLAN B's replace PLAN A's... only if you REALLY want to rid yourself of the SHOULD STRUGGLES. STARS to those experts for teaching me!
WHY is there a perceived STRUGGLE IN SEX? Because we think there is a certain TIME, PLACE, POSITION, BEGINNING--END..I have learned from the REAL EXPERTS with age, life experience, recovery, reality (not fantasy sex)--HERE IT IS: "WHO MAKES THE RULES?" I can start, stop, invite my partner to continue... I'll watch, take pictures (in my mind/camera), pick up the next day, WHEW!...take that energy to work and keep thinking about it..:):):) STARS to those REAL EXPERTS for relieving me of PERFORMANCE ANXIETY...There's enough of that at work!
WHY are there STRUGGLES in RELATIONSHIPS? Because we go unconscious. We think that doing the SAME behaviors/activities/scripts will get different results...I have learned from the REAL EXPERTS in AA, NA, OA, EA, SLAA, CO-DEP, ACOA groups that the real work is CHANGING and BEING AUTHENTIC/VULNERABLE and my partner may not LIKE IT, MAY NOT UNDERSTAND IT, or DO IT But I am being REAL and not FAKE. STARS to All of those REAL EXPERTS in life long recovery...not life long fantasy.
This Summer 2010...Take the angst out and remove thoughts of Struggle...Put the Reality IN...
l. Get to Know YOU...
2. Get to know your Body...and any of the THREE P's: Physical, Psychological, Pharmaceutical factors involved: That may mean asking for help with the puzzle pieces of your sex/intimacy responses
3. Have EMPATHY for YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER...If YOU are making changes, it may not be the right time or it may be confusing for your partner...so just keep the focus on you while also giving info and resources to your partner
4. EVALUATE without Performance Anxiety: What did I LIKE?/What didn't my body/heart respond to TODAY/What would I like different? (which may not be the same for partner(s). You can offer those questions to your partner as well.
As you drop the struggle and pick up the easy, notice your new enjoyment and receive...
Blessings for more lovely, stressless sex and enjoyment of a MORE SIMPLE SUMMER.
I would like to hear from you about issues that you as women have regarding sexuality/intimacy. Please feel free to contact me at besafemv@hotmail.com
Erotic Woman is brought to you by Marilyn K. Volker, Ed.D., Sexologist, ABS, AACS, private practice, Miami, FL