Blips
Stop, Breathe,
and Think
by Scott Wintrip
One of my clients learned a very important life lesson in an unexpected way. His teacher was his five year-old daughter.
Robert, a 30-something business professional, was returning home after a brief vacation with his girlfriend, Susan, and his daughter, Elizabeth. Their flight had been cancelled and they were stuck in a very long line to rebook. Robert had several pressing matters awaiting him at the office and was anxious to return home. He was visibly upset and well on his way to panic.
In the past, these moments of stress had often been the catalyst for a fight between Robert and Susan. As he would get more and more worked up, she would typically tell him to “calm down.” Robert would, in turn, lash back at Susan, telling her something like, “look at the pot calling the kettle black!” Within a matter of minutes, this exchange would turn into full-scale fight.
This time, however, things went in a different direction. After hearing her father mutter, "I've gotta get back to work," for the eighth time, Elizabeth spoke up. "Daddy," she said calmly, "you just need to stop, breathe, and think." Startled by her comment, Robert took his daughter's words to heart.
He stopped panicking and took a deep breath. Then he began to think. Within a few minutes, Robert had made a decision to use his cell phone to call the airline. He explained that he was in a line at the airport waiting to rebook a cancelled flight. He suggested that they reduce the number of angry passengers in that line by rebooking his flight on the phone.
He was told the next available flight wouldn't be until two days later. "OK," he said. "I'll go back to the hotel where we were staying and send the airline the bill." They agreed.
Within minutes, Robert had rebooked his flight and extended his vacation by two days at the airline's expense. And he was able to handle several pressing client projects from his hotel room. All this happened because of a five year-old's fabulous advice. And, his actions deepened his relationship with both Susan and Elizabeth instead of tarnishing the memories of their vacation by ending it with a fight.
Since Elizabeth isn't likely to be around the next time you’re about to have a meltdown, you might want to try out her Stop * Breath * Think * technique now so you'll be prepared to deal with the situation on your own.
STOP
Learn to recognize the initial signs of stress. Yours may differ from what other people experience. Maybe you react to stress with a queasy stomach or a pounding in your temples. Your hands may perspire or the muscles in your neck become tense.
Once you're aware of the signs, they can become part of your early warning system. Stop reacting as soon as the signs appear. It's not as difficult as you might expect.
As soon as your early warning system sets off the alarm, stop everything. At first, you may have to say the word "Stop" either silently or out loud, depending on where you are at the time. If you're on the phone when the warning alarm rings, you can write STOP on a notepad.
BREATHE
One of the most common reactions to stress is to hold your breath. That's a very bad idea since your brain requires oxygen to work properly...and you'll need some brainpower for the next step.
So take one or two slow, deep breaths. You may be amazed at the immediate reduction in your stress level. If you can manage some privacy, you can take it further by closing your eyes for a few minutes and consciously relaxing your muscles and clearing your mind.
Most importantly, don't think about the problem while you're in breathing mode. Just breathe and relax.
THINK
Once your stress level is under control, it's time to apply the full power of your intellect to the situation. Every problem has a solution and your job is to find a good resolution to the current issue.
First, decide what specific result you want to achieve. Consider what your partner may want or need as well. Then come up with options that are likely to provide a good overall solution...a win/win scenario.
Elizabeth's advice to her dad was a sterling example of simple wisdom that proves to be quite profound in relationships. It worked for Robert as he waited in that frustrating, endless line at the airport. And it can work for you whenever you run into a difficult situation with your girlfriend, partner, or spouse.
So the next time you feel the stress mounting, take a little girl's very grown-up advice…
Stop * Breathe * Think *
This quarter the Men’s Room is brought to
you by Scott Wintrip